Delicious and Moist
by TheUnsigned
Summary: Wheatley is rather ignorant of human life. GLaDOS is evil. Chell finds this out in a dark, dark way.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Delicious and Moist

**Rating**: M

**Warnings/Pairings**: This is DARK and contains things that are NOT RIGHT AT ALL. Look up there at that M warning right? It's there for a reason. No pairings.

**Summary**: Um – this was written for the kinkmeme – its' actually in response to my own prompt. So now you know what a horrible person I am, but another anon gave me a fantastic fill and I couldn't resist it. Right, let's press on.

* * *

><p>"Oh, oh, what's wrong, there's a problem isn't there?"<p>

Chell had crouched suddenly, her back pressed against a wall while she clutched at her stomach.

"She's starved you fool." GLaDOS snapped, her limited vision not quite allowing her to meet the eye of the sphere on the monitor above. "Humans need to eat you moron! They will shut right down if you don't keep them fed. You know, exactly like my facility you're slowly destroying?"

Chell did look desperately uncomfortable rubbing at her growling stomach and rocking back and forth on her spot against the wall. She hadn't really any idea how long it was since she'd eaten real food and two raw shriveled potatoes combined with a lack of regular meals were doing a number on her insides. She craved meat, vegetables, cake, anything really.

"Oh. Oh!" Wheatley chimed in above. "Wait. I've got it. There is meat, saw it in one of the test chambers oh right um…think it's sort of gone off a bit but really, not a problem, we'll just heat it up and then you can eat up and go straight on off back to testing."

"What?" GLaDOS said suddenly but simply fell silent after that. It probably should have been Chell's first clue that something was about to go horribly wrong but the persistent gnawing in her stomach found her obligated to listen to Wheatley and not the potato.

Geez that potato was actually sort of starting to look…good…

A panel opened on the side of the testing chamber and the scent of cooked meat drifted out. Wheatley was not so much a dedicated liar as GLaDOS and he was obviously eager to get Chell back to testing.

The meat didn't seem in any way dangerous and Chell trusted GLaDOS enough that she probably wouldn't dispose of her favorite test subject and ride back to her chassis very easily.

When no warnings were forthcoming from the potato she picked up the slab with her fingers. It was sort of a fatty meat she assumed must be a pork chop. It was inelegant, sort of hacked up though Wheatley had gone to the trouble of cooking it somehow and it was warm and not raw. Rather nice, Chell thought upon tasting it. A bit fatty and some vegetables would have been a good accompaniment but whatever could you do with robots? She was about to become very aware of how true that thought was.

Chell did feel rejuvenated by the dinner and there was a crackle from the Potato that sounded very suspicious. Chell's blood ran cold and she dropped the remnants of her dinner instantly, fearing poison.

"Oh no, finish. By all means."

Chell gave her her best silent judgment glare.

"Oh it wasn't poison. No, you won't die. The Moron managed that much at least. But don't you want to know where the stupid idiot got the meat from?"

Chell's colourless eyes locked with the potato battery's optic.

GLaDOS was positively gleeful as she delivered her answer. "Oh. He picked it out from one of his six expired test subjects before it got to you. You're rather lucky he he heated it first or else you really would have been poisoned. So lucky."

Chell stared blankly. Of all the horrible things GLaDOS had ever tried this was the worst.

"Something wrong down there? Hullo? Hullo?" Wheatley piped up in the background but he was ignored.

In the end, Chell vomited in a corner. GLaDOS was obviously impressed with herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: Delicious and Moist

**Rating**: M

**Warnings/Pairings**: …I'm not sure how far it will progress to actual sex, but there will be things like graphic descriptions of human arousal. There will also be gore, blood and if not outright cannibalism then definitely suggestions of it. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. As a matter of fact, this setup chapter is very tame, but should give you an idea of what we're about to face.

**Summary:** As we know, Wheatley makes a little bit of an error concerning what is 'standard' in terms of what sort of meat is fit for human consumption? It seems there is something slightly MORE sinister going down at Aperture Science than was originally thought. (wasn't originally going to do it, got asked for sexy times, get idea…you know the rest, right?)

* * *

><p><strong>Part 2<strong>

Having finished being ill, Chell had pulled her whole body into herself with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her body entirely. She hid her face into her knees and appeared to be in a state of shock. Above them, Wheatley babbled on about getting back to testing, alternatively begging and demanding.

That was fine with GLaDOS. She had known something about this was wrong from the beginning and she needed time to put all of her limited potato battery processors to work.

There was something just slightly off about the position in which they found themselves, besides the obvious mess that the moron had made of trying to figure out human eating habits. It was with the meat. It was…oh no.

Wheatley had been _lying_ to them since they made their presence known and had up to now done a spectacular job of it. Now it was a matter of unwrapping the untruths and how deep they were in taking this long to realize it.

The dumb little ball on his own was definitely benign and stupid, but his defense had always been his words. A human like Chell would follow him, listen to him, take his plans and know how to turn them from ridiculous to successful. It's why they had made him watch the test subjects in the first place. Sure they were annoyed when he made mistakes but he could sooth them into a sigh and forgiveness. They trusted him as their friend and guide.

No one would have trusted that metal ball with something as complex as trying to feed a human, especially not something when improperly cooked could kill them. He'd have had the whole place dead or dying of salmonella poisoning in one day but it would have been an honest mistake. He could have used the chassis' extensive information to find out the basic range of a human diet. That he would go that far and no more with his research was normal behaviour for their nemesis.

Interpreting that humans can die and are also made of meat so therefore it is edible did sound like typical Wheatley reasoning but he had been too quick about it. Too sure he knew where it was and what to do with it.

This here was only the tip of the iceberg. The place where it ended. So where did it begin? GLaDOS strained her processors to the limits.

Chell hadn't just given him control of the facility, he'd made his defense mechanism his greatest weapon and he'd figured out how to use it immediately because he'd been using it since he was flipped on as a core.

If potatos had blood, GLaDOS veins would have been steadily turning to ice as she slowly unraveled the mystery and what it meant for them.

The chassis was designed to locate test subjects and to find some way to make testing possible as long as it was active. The Frankenturrets were maybe his first version, but nothing like that should have caused the kind of damage the facility was now under.

There was no way those frankenturrets could have completed a test. They were actively scared of the buttons. Yet, Wheatley knew about the test euphoria which he would not have known about if he had not managed to complete a test. So, what had he used?

She had to think. Wheatley's weapons were his words. What had he said to them that was inconsequential at the time? She knew she was missing something.

_Words. Words…_

In a moment of horrible clarity that nearly shut her down with its intensity the answer came to her.

She'd been wrong. He'd never lied. He'd never told them anything but the truth. He'd just told them in the way they had wanted to interpret it.

For one thing, he could read. _All the books_. Including all of the instruction manuals that explained what the chassis could do. _I don't even know what I just said, but I can find out._

Like how, in the absence of any test subjects, he could leave it himself to solve tests. It explained the simple first test chamber - anything he could solve quickly over and over and over.

When she was deactivated, Aperture fell apart. Wheatley had looked over the relaxation chambers.

_I'm a little low on test subjects…_

"Chell." GLaDOS wheedled, urgently. "Get off your fat adopted ass. We are in serious trouble here."

Unless she was very much mistaken, the two of them had just unleashed the world's stupidest Hannibal Lecter on the lab and very likely on themselves. Fortunately so far, Chell was keeping him entertained and even, it appeared sexually entertained, but pretty soon all of that would wear off…and then what?

"We have to go. Right now. We don't have a lot of time here! Chell, do you know what he's going to do to us if we don't move? Come up with a plan?"

Chell raised her head, her eyes seeming to stare not at the potato but the patch of floor just beyond. She pressed the tips of her fingers together, fingers splayed and pushed the tips outwards.

"Not just blow us up, I think…"

GLaDOS words were cut off by a particularly violent rumble.

"Bother!" Wheatley's optic disappeared from the screen, suggesting that for now at least he was in the chassis. "I thought I fixed that!"

"RUN! NOW!" GLaDOS urged.

Miraculously, Chell got to her feet and grabbing the portal gun did in fact move towards the testing chamber.

"Not that way…this way!" GLaDOS hissed. Of course she couldn't gesture, but they didn't have much time for specific directions.

Chell looked around then ducked through the panel in the wall Wheatley had left open.

"I…HEY!" Wheatley was evidently looking for them. "So, that's the way you want to play it is it? Thought you could escape ol'Wheatley by taking advantage of him after he's been so kind to you? I mean, what was that? I even gave you the opportunity to test. Share my experience with the less fortunate! Well I've got news for you, luv. I told you I could do just about anything I wanted with this body of mine. So I'll find you. Let the games begin."


	3. Chapter 3

**Title**: Delicious and Moist

**Rating**: M

**Warnings/Pairings**: …I'm not sure how far it will progress to actual sex, but there will be things like graphic descriptions of human arousal. There will also be gore, blood and if not outright cannibalism then definitely suggestions of it. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

**Summary:** As we know, Wheatley makes a little bit of an error concerning what is 'standard' in terms of what sort of meat is fit for human consumption? It seems there is something slightly MORE sinister going down at Aperture Science than was originally thought. (wasn't originally going to do it, got asked for sexy times, get idea…you know the rest, right?)

* * *

><p>As Chell and her companion moved deeper into the facility, Wheatley's rantings grew fainter and fainter. These were the back alleys, not the testing chambers.<p>

There was a vaguely familiar scent in the air, faint at first but steadily growing stronger. It was a scent that Chell knew well, being no stranger to injury. It was blood. The floors were increasingly splattered with it in varying intervals. Whatever had been wounded had been trying its best to flee.

The duo came across the body a moment later. Besides the escape attempt it was Chell's first glimpse of another human in quite some time. For a moment, GLaDOS was afraid Chell would go catatonic again.

"Don't be afraid of it! It's just a dead body!"

Chell tried to give it a wide berth but GLaDOS was having none of it.

"See what it is. I need to know something."

Chell stopped and glared at the potato.

"You are picking now to be afraid? I have to find out what it IS! It might not be what I thought!"

Chell threw up the hand that was not encumbered with the ASHPD.

"Look. If there are Mantis Men wandering around, wouldn't you prefer to know?"

Cautiously and with no small amount of trepidation to look at it in any greater detail, the woman crept forward, giving her gun a little shake to indicate that if anything tried anything, it would be instantly blasted through the nearest portable surface.

The body barely resembled a human form any longer. The skull had been cracked enough times on hard pavement to split it open. Festering remnants of grey matter spilled across the floor and beneath the gaping crack in the skull and one empty eye socket the head was otherwise hollowed out. Most of the rest of the facial features remained intact, though where the chin met the neck, the skin had been peeled away like an apple.

Chell gagged silently.

"Do NOT vomit on my evidence." GLaDOS snapped, showing her usual lack of compassion for the human condition.

Chell in sheer defiance swallowed her bile and looked away. Aperture Science was a place she should have long ago learned would always twist her desires. How long had she desired company that wasn't artificially generated? Aperture naturally gave her a mangled corpse. She forced herself to continue to look at the ruins of what was once a human being, moving lower down the length of the cadaver.

Several organs were missing entirely from inside the body, split stem to stern. The rib cage had been cracked inexpertly as though by brute force, the heart simply no longer there. Nor was the liver. A good portion of the large intestine seemed have been chewed away.

"Lower me down by the abdomen." GLaDOS demanded. "I need to see this."

Chell did, the light of the ASHPD combined with the potato battery's flickering yellow optic reflecting the graying of the decay process. A powerful stench hit Chell's nose, causing her to gag again.

"These teeth marks. They're human."

Chell raised the gun to her eye level, shuddering as the illumination fell across a nearby small pile of tiny bones as well as the severed appendages they'd been chewed off of, recalling the remnants of chicken wings.

Trying to convey what she meant without words never had gotten any easier. Chell created a circle with her thumb and forefinger then traced the outline of GLaDOS' optic. She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head in an emphatic negative gesture.

"Can't you just speak?" GLaDOS asked in frustration.

Another shake of the head and a repeat of the charade.

"I DON'T GET IT!" The Potato was becoming irritable now.

Frustrated herself, Chell repositioned her fingers in the circle. She shut one eye and with her free hand pointed at her one open eye.

"The metal ball?" GLaDOS guessed.

Chell nodded. She knew she only had a limited window during which the potato would tolerate charades. Her expression contorted into what she hoped was a mean face and then pointed at the corpse, repeating the negative head shake.

"Oh no, not at first. He didn't have this pre-meditated if that's what you mean."

Chell nodded but frowned and mimed an 'eating' motion with her hand, shrugging her shoulders.

GLaDOS explained what she knew.

Chell knew that was exactly the sort of thing she could expect from this God-forsaken facility. It didn't make it any less disgusting.

"Oh! There you are! Admiring my handiwork, are you? Not a very good escape attempt. For either of you. Honestly Luv, if you wanted to give me a challenge I would have expected something a little more clever. Who _is_ the real moron here, I wonder mate? Let's get you back to testing, shall we?"

The pair realized a second too late that the voice hadn't emanated from a speaker. A figure stepped into the dull backlighting. Even without the vocal cues, Chell would have recognized him on sight.

She couldn't tell how he compared to humans in general as she had only herself and perhaps this dead body but it seemed like he went on forever. Just how much of that was actual height and how much was the menace he exuded was up for debate. He'd always wanted to be 'bloody massive' but he was certainly arrogant enough to research a standard of human attractiveness or height to supplement what kind of presence he'd create as one. One of his eyes was scratched out, a filmy membrane of tissue covering the damaged one.

He noticed her staring. "Oh this? One of them put up quite the fight. He was my favorite." Wheatley's lips twisted into a razorblade smile.

Chell gave him a gesture that was almost universally understood, even by Artificial Intelligence constructs.

He staggered back in a mock-offended gesture. "Now now, you mustn't think badly of me, Luv."

Chell lowered her one fingered salute and backing up gave him a look of skepticism.

"It's true!" he insisted. "Have a look. I just take the bodies, have a little fun until they can't test any longer and then…"

"You do this to them." GLaDOS interjected, as dryly as ever.

"Yes, but after that, well. It's better if I show you." He casually strolled over to another panel, producing a bin. As the bin moved forward into the spotlight, Chell could see it was stuffed full of round core chassis constructs, much like Wheatley's had been. Wheatley casually reached in and pulled out one with a bright sunshine yellow optic. It quivered in his hand as though overly excited.

Speedy little bugger, this one." Wheatley crooned, poking it and causing the jittering to intensify enough that it nearly bounced out of his hand and onto the floor. "Whoops!" He caught it. "Sweetest meat too."

"SPACE!" screamed the core.

"Now, I want to vomit, but I'm a POTATO!" GLaDOS choked. "You moron! Core personality transfers are extremely complicated and that's when the subject is healt-"

Chell shook the gun, but GLaDOS had managed to short herself out in her rage. Chell's heart went out to her. The Matriarch computer of Aperture was no saint, but she'd never tried anything like this!

Wheatley didn't appear to notice that he was now only talking to one and not two people. "Nonsense! He's much happier this way than he was as any smelly, delicious human!" He poked the core. "Aren't you, good little core-bloke?"

"SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!" The core declared at the top of its artificial voice.

If the test subject had been concerned before, without her companion she was truly terrified. Mad A.I's in chasses that dropped bombs on her she could handle. Cannibalistic A.I's in human bodies were another thing entirely.

"Oh! By the way my dear, we are not alone."

Chell's eyes drifted to the bin of cores.

"Not quite. You see, I had a brilliant idea when you showed back up here. One of my best if I do say so myself." He looked over Chell's shoulder. "That's right, Come on out my dear. Ol' Wheatley isn't going to hurt you, right now that is." He indulged in a bit of maniacal laughter.

It was right then that the flicker of movement caught Chell's eye. It was saying something that neither she nor GLaDOS had noticed the other person in the room when they'd come in. Whoever it was had been hiding and rather well. Chell's emotions exploded in another burst of both empathy and horror as she got a good look at the girl who tip-toed forward. She looked scared, possibly the palest and most frail person Chell had ever clapped eyes on. She was shocked she'd been even remotely capable of surviving a test chamber. What horrified her was not the condition she was in, but rather how her hair had been chopped and pulled into a inexpertly emulated copy of her own hairstyle, evidence of a sloppy black hair-dye job around her temples and the sleeves of her orange jumpsuit knotted about her thin waist.

Wheatley was watching her chest intently, but he wasn't staring at the girl's cleavage. Following his gaze, Chell too could almost see her heart beating and her lungs drawing breath beneath almost-translucent skin. She gave Wheatley a disgusted look and turned back to the girl. Her eyes caught the light and Chell gasped. They were pink.

"Fact." She whispered. "There is an eighty percent chance that he will attack us."

"Let me introduce you. This is Chell. Chell, this is…well, I'm calling her Mel." The blatant attempt to recreate her appearance even down to a rhyming name disturbed Chell even further.

"Now. Mel, you're wrong, I don't intend on attacking anyone just yet. I thought I could motivate you with a little contest."

"What kind of contest?" Mel asked. Chell was very glad the other girl could speak.

"Well, you have to test for me, of course. For points. Let's call them Science points. Whichever one of you entertains me longest, and by that I mean gets the most points, doesn't die." He leaned forward with a hungry grin.

Chell and the dye-job albino gave eachother sidelong looks. They both wanted out. They were both asking themselves the same question: Could they trust one another, or were they about to become bitter rivals? If they did put trust in each other would one of them turn traitor?

"Let the games begin!" Wheatley declared and two panels opened up: the way to test chambers.

Left alone, Chell took stock of 'Mel'. She was scared, gentle, fragile, the opposite of Chell in many ways but obviously not in her tenacity. In that, they were equal. There was potential here for anything and they both saw it. Chell was ruthless and a schemer. GLaDOS had pinned her accurately for that. Mel seemed to comprehend human nature far better than Chell. Maybe she retained memories or experiences of years less than 99999-. She was someone not to be discounted as a partner.

"There's a 70% chance we can get out of here on sheer luck." She whispered. "And, I don't normally believe in luck."

Chell nodded to the panel on the right. Mel took the left.


End file.
